When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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