ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
