Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
