I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When did angry sex become our thing?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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