so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize