Jerry, you need to find god
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
