Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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