Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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