He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize