Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
