i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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