you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize