Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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