i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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