He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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