There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
