Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
