Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
