If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
