i don't like sucking hair
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
