dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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