i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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