Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
