I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
