1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
we're so committed to being not committed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
