you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
