I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
