how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
