Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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