I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You left your underwear on the fireplace
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize