Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
