I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
