Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm passing your future prison.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
