I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
