i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
