With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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