im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
