It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
