i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize