So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize