I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
