I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
