Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I still have a little drunk in my system
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
