I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
