So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
