R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
