there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
