i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
