is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
