dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
