wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
