I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
