Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
