watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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