If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
