I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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