it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
