I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
