:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
