You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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