I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
