I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
