i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
