If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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